Happy New Year!

For the last 6 months or so since I started this, many of my friends/family/coworkers have been telling me I should start a blog.  For some reason I always smiled and agreed but never told anyone I actually did it.

I’m not really sure why I didn’t tell anyone.  I guess I just assume no one really cares what I have to say.

But anyways…hello friends and family….if you’re reading this…

This is a blog about the weird farming/homesteading stuff that I do.  And we’ve just crossed the threshold of 2017…so it’s going to get a lot weirder.

I guess let me start this out by addressing a few common misconceptions so that we’re all clear and communicating effectively.

Dream Crushers:

Me for the last 21 years: “I want to be a farmer when I grow up.”

Everyone: “You can’t.”

Me for the last 21 years: *I can*

Cows = Farm. Farm = Cows:

Me: “I live on a farm.”

Person: “Do you have cows?”

Me: “No I have (insert animals here).”

Person: *looks sad and confused* “Why don’t you have any cows?”

Me: “Because I have (insert animals here).”

Person: “When will you get a cow?”

Me: “Sometime.”

Person: “But why don’t you have one now?”

Me: *gives up*

I Have Nipples, Can You Milk Me?:

Person: “Do you milk your goats?”

Me: “Not, yet, they have to get pregnant and give birth first.”

Person: *blank stare* “I didn’t know they had to get pregnant to produce milk.”

Me: “Yep….just like a human.”

Person: *blank stare*

Me: (If female) “Do you produce milk?”

Person: (If not currently lactating) “No.”

Me: “Right.  And when would you start producing milk?”

Person: “Well I’ve never had a baby.”

Me: “Right. Just like the goats.”

Person: *blank stare*

Me: *gives up*

Winter is Coming:

What happens to your animals in the winter?

What happens to you in the winter?

*blank stare*

*gives up*

Biological Clock is Ticking:

I thought chickens have an unlimited amount of eggs.

(if female) You have a limited amount of eggs.

I don’t have eggs.

Yes you do.

*blank stare*

Winner Winner Turkey Dinner:

Oooo did you eat your turkeys yet??

Yep, pretty tasty!

Ew, you killed them??

Yep….pretty hard to eat when they’re alive.

Human Milk:

It seems wrong to feed that pig cow’s milk.  Actually it’s really sick…forcing it to drink another species’ milk.  I’m getting really upset over this.

Oh, do you still drink human milk, Mr. Adult Man?

Where Do Babies Come From?:

If pigs don’t have vaginas where do their babies come from?

Well, on the first quarter moon of each solstice, a bunch of baby animals pop out of the ground.

Children Can’t Survive:

Where will you live and what will you do with the animals when you have kids?

Now obviously I’ve never read a parenting book, but I was totally unaware that I had to move locations upon the arrival of a human child and that they weren’t capable of being near other animals.

 

So there you have it.  Some frequently asked questions and answers so that you don’t have to ask me these things.  I might even start a youtube channel.  My longest friend thinks I should do a farming and beauty channel where I incorporate farming in to my overall look and style.  She may be on to something.

Thanks for reading.  Thanks for listening. Thanks for sticking by my weirdness.

Advertisements